Keep the Fire Burning (and releasing EXPECTATIONS)!

Hi friends! Do you know what today is?! It's our anniversary, our anniversary!! I'm singing the song from Tony, Toni, Tone that I sing every year on this date. My hubby and I are celebrating 18 years together, and 13 years of marriage! I LOVE being in love, those warm, butterflies in the tummy emotions; talking all night about nothing. It WARMS.MY.LOVERS.HEART!! Unfortunately, that feeling doesn't stay around much in the day to day married life. Schedules, kids, career progressions, small business endeavors, who's responsibility was it to do what - all that eventually gets in the way of those strong, smile inducing emotions.

FORTUNATELY, I've learned and accepted the last few years of marriage that it IS possible, just not everyday. Most of that hinges on expectations…those expectations will have you living life in misery! For a period of time (probably post those babies - I blame it on the hormones) I was thinking why do we not vibe the way we used to?! I want to be over the moon in love, why won't he wake up and kiss me and tell me I'm beautiful? Expectations, y'all LOL! SO, to keep that fire burning that I love to feel, I started taking inventory and doing the things that I wanted him to do for me.

• Date night? Just plan it - it's nobody's "job" to plan all the date nights. Quarantined date night currently includes Netflix specials and the Chicago Mix popcorn from Whole Foods.

• Day Dates? Make it happen with the kids in tow. It's SO EASY to just say we can't do something because the kids are here and who's going to babysit them during a pandemic?!? Made the reservations and just took the kids with us! We still had time to connect with the car ride, waiting in line, and sharing desserts :-)

• ASK.FOR.HELP! Instead of just loudly proclaiming I'm cleaning out every drawer in the house, ask, hey, I want to clear the clutter, can you help me clean this out? AND WHEN are you available to help me? LI will work myself into a frenzy trying to "do it all" and GET MAD because he didn't come to my rescue instead of just pausing and asking for help! I’m aware, this sounds crazy, but it's where I'm at in life and I'm on the "do better" track! Expectations!!

• Understand the love language! Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch! So it's funny - I had to share this with my hubby about a year ago. When I call you on my way home and ask if there is anything I can pick up for you from the store - that's me loving on you! Acts of Service boo!

Being at home all day is a whole nother beast. We've somehow managed not to get on each other's last nerves and (gasp) actually like each other's company! And the butterflies have returned! Enjoy this time to get reacquainted with your husband, friends, and kids. I added friends here because being in this quarantine has given time to connect with old friends, schedule FaceTime dates and get back into real community with people! I invite you to release those expectations that YOU (you meaning me here) have put on other people! Be the change that you want to see in your relationships!

Don’t expect anyone else to fully understand both the bitterness and the joys of all you experience in your life. Proverbs 14:10 TPT

The Blessing in Forgiveness and Inner Peace

Have you ever been in a phase in life where someone has hurt you deeply and completely? I’m not talking about a hair stylist cutting your hair too short or you weren’t invited to a party. I’m talking about a relational breach of trust, an attack on your family, or a personal attack on your character? Mad to the point where you fully retreat and dismiss people or go full steam ahead to get away from a person, situation or circumstance?

I call this a phase because we cannot live life in a space of unforgiveness. I remember the day that I decided to release some unforgiveness from a past relationship hurt. IT FELT SO FREEING! Hearing from God was not new to me; however, it was getting VERY hard to hear in those moments. Eventually, I was able to clearly hear from God more because my heart was not closed out. I was able to move my body more because I was able release the stress in my hamstrings, shoulders and neck that unforgiveness had lodged into my body.

Once I was able to release unforgiveness, I began to experience true inner peace. Peace that did not question or come back to the issues that initiated the unforgiveness. Peace that allowed me to sleep peacefully and not go through worry. This inner peace moved me into space of equanimity (Google says, a state of psychological stability and composure which is undisturbed by experience of or exposure to emotions, pain, or other phenomena that may cause others to lose the balance of their mind). My spirit was renewed with consistent joy, peace, love, patience, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness!

It's a true blessing to walk into this space. Is it to stay with this mindset? No, because…life. But it's always available to me when I become still and begin to listen to what the Spirit has to say. It requires me to let go of my schedule and cling to God's word. I withdraw and take some time to land on my yoga mat, clear my mind through the practice of intentional breathing and meditation.

As we enter the season of thanksgiving and gratitude, allow the Spirit to lead and guide you. Accept the peace that comes with living life in right standing with the Creator. Forgive your past, those that wronged you…forgive yourself for stewing in it too long! Forgive, and find peace, joy and love in your heart and mind again!

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." John 14:27 (NLT)

Don't Let Behavior of Others Destroy Your Inner Peace” – Dalai Lama

Boundaries, Balance and Forgiveness

Hello October! October is one of my favorite months - the leaves change, the air gets crisper, my allergies calm down and Pumpkin Spice is fully accepted! As we ease out of quarantine (and I say that with a grain of salt), I’m carefully navigating what it means to find balance in my life. On October 15, I will be leaving my Corporate America job for full time entrepreneurship! As exciting as that is, I’m cautiously weighing where I say yes and no to events and activities as to not overwhelm myself and my family. I’ve been know to try and “do it all” and I always end of irrigated, upset or just plain moody! So my mind continuously ponders - how do you keep your boundaries in check to stay balanced, mind, body, soul, spirit and CALENDAR!

I often find myself “busy” for no real reason at all and the next time I look up, it’s 3:00 PM! After a few days of this, I realize that I’m “out of balance” and have to work consciously to reel it all back in! This month, I’ve realized that I had to let go of teaching some yoga classes and stick to having my Tuesday, Saturday and Sundays open, maybe not going to EVERY church event, and intentionally setting “white noise” time on my schedule. I absolutely LOVE talking to people about their finances and financial planning, however, when it’s too much on the calendar at one time, burnout of your passion arrives sooner than expected!

Even though I’ve made plans to keep my boundaries and often fail, I always give myself grace to try again another day. Grace and forgiveness. The two attributes that make me a more compassionate human. I often come back to grace and forgiveness as the balance that brings me back to center. Back to keeping Jesus at the center of my life. Back to seeing others as the Father sees them!

My prayer for you throughout this month is that as you seek boundaries and balance in your life, you will cultivate the strength to forgive and show grace to others, as well as yourself!